when talking about starting a family, choosing our donor was a HUGE part of the process. this would be half our kid’s DNA! so, like we always do, we sat down and made a list of characteristics and traits that were important to us and then the “online shopping” began! we also made it clear to everyone we knew – and continue to – that there is no father or dad – there is a donor and that is how we will refer to him (I wrote a short post on that HERE).
things that we could determine: height, build, ethnicity, religion, hair color, hair type, eye color, education, blood type, open / anonymous and MORE. like – designer baby, anyone???
it was so crazy – it was seriously like online dating. obviously medical history was of utmost important, so once we ran our search, medical records were the first thing we looked at. as we both suffer from anxiety and me with depression, having a clean mental health slate was something we really wanted. as we were going through this process, we kept thinking how incredible this is — when you meet someone and fall in love in a straight relationship, you don’t ask them their entire medical history (including family) to determine if they’d be someone you want to procreate with — at least not normal people LOL so for us, we were really able to say – amazing, our child won’t be predisposed to XYZ. it was really comforting. obviously we have our own stuff, but we could control what we added to the mix.
since I’m so short, we wanted someone tall so in case I ever had a biological son, he would have a chance at height given that I’m only 5’1 (on a good day) LOL I also really wanted blue eyes since I have blue eyes, so that was another factor. we also upgraded our package so that we could see adult + baby pictures and it was so interesting to see how different people looked as children into adults!
one thing that I didn’t realize was that there are open donors and anonymous donors. open means that when the child turns 18, they have the ability to contact the donor. the child will receive contact information upon request when they become of age. an anonymous donor means you cannot contact them. we didn’t feel like that decision was ours to make, so we only looked at open donors so that our children have the ultimate decision of whether or not to contact him. we hope they do because we would love to thank him!!!
there are a lot of things to think about when growing your family. this was one of the many factors we had to consider – and pay for. this entire process has been an emotional rollercoaster but worth every second and every penny to have our precious Parker Pie and hopefully another little soon.